Episode 91: on grief, gratitude and the holy scream

This week, I’m returning to the writings that shaped the earliest years of my healing after my daughter Lucia’s stillbirth in 2008. These three essays — one on the holy clearing power of the scream, one on the deep and complicated dance of gratitude during suffering, and one on the Buddhist tonglen practice — map my journey through grief, spiritual awakening, sobriety, and self-compassion.

These pieces were written from the raw center of my heart:

  • when I was newly grieving,

  • newly sober,

  • newly trying to exist inside a body again,

  • newly understanding what compassion actually means.

In this episode, I read:

1. “Scream, Baby” — written two years after my son Zachary’s birth and his time in the NICU, exploring pain, primal release, and the scream as an act of healing.

2. “Gratitude” — an essay confronting spiritual bypassing, toxic positivity, and what gratitude looks like when you’re grieving, not in spite of grief.

3. “Tonglen: A Meditation for When You’re in the Weeds” — a compassionate, trauma-informed exploration of the Buddhist practice that helped me breathe inside my pain instead of trying to outrun it.

Here is a brief (2 minute) meditation for those moments after you scream or when you feel stuck.

Here is a brief (4 minute) tonglen practice meditation:

If you’re grieving, healing, overwhelmed, or simply human — this episode is for you.

Here are some essential tonglen resources by Pema Chödrön:

 Additional Articles & Teachings on Tonglen

  • “Good Medicine For This World” – an article on Lion’s Roar that explores how Pema Chödrön and Alice Walker talk about tonglen. Lion’s Roar

  • “Tonglen: The Path of Transformation” by Pema Chödrön (via Nalanda Translation) – a practical guide for the practice. Nālandā Translation Committee

  • Wikipedia summary on tonglen’s origins, practice, and context. Wikipedia

Additional Writings on Tonglen

Love on Every Breath: Tonglen Meditation for Transforming Pain into Joy  – May 28, 2019 by Lama Palden Drolma 

Training the Mind: & Cultivating Loving-Kindness  Chögyam Trungpa

Bodhichitta: Practice for a Meaningful Life by Lama Zopa Rinpoche 

 Old Angie writing