To be honest, I have been struggling to write, like I’ve been struggling to sleep and not sleep. I thought I had some kind of deep illness and my cancer was back a few weeks ago, because I couldn’t get up and go. I had to nap—once, twice, three times a lady. I called my primary care physician and asked her to test me for anything that causes fatigue—anemia, infection, mono, Lyme disease…anything. Turns out there is nothing wrong with me.

But all I want to do is sleeeeeeep…and rest me eyes, like a pirate on holiday on a deserted island.

Maybe it is depression, then I was like, of course it is depression. So, yeah, that is the conclusion I came to. It is situational as my life has been chaotic this year. During my yearly tarot pull, I have been using the Alleyman’s Tarot, which is my current favorite deck…Goddess bless, that deck is perfect. (Sidenote: the Alleyman pulled cards from all kinds of decks to make one chaotic, strange, and totally insightful deck of mismatched cards and cohesive interpretation. I pledged on a whim on his Kickstarter, and fell in love with it when it came.) This is a deck with an insane amount of Death cards, or Death-like cards, and out of the 9 cards I pulled, 6 of them were Deaths or Death Adjacent, like a card called Bone Fire, which is equivalent to the Tower. As a Tarot Reader, you sort of start laughing and shaking your head. By the end of the reading, you can only say, “What. The. Fuck. Seriously?” Or “I am fucked, seriously.” Or some combination of those words.

Then February came, and the bomb dropped in my life, and I go—okay, Angelica Maria de las Vulturas, you picked the word Change for the year, then pulled Death 9 times, and you are surprised that devastation is here? You asked for it. The truth is, I root for Death when my clients come to see me—it is about release and letting go of the dead things, but when Death comes for me, I freak out. “Why do things have to change?” I whine at the same time I am lighting the fire on the bridge of life. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be on the other side of change. I love when things shift and evolve and grow to meet me. Everything that has happened to me in life has led me to the place I needed to go.

One of my favorite sayings is Stop Watering Dead Plants. And as a plant lady, I have watered plants past their death, begging like Kisa Gotami to bring back my baby. I have watered so many dead things, like Persephone, praying my Goddess of Spring era works in the underworld only to see flowers die from being overwatered, then the water keeps coming and coming and coming, until the whole of Hades is flooded.

Things are changing. They needed to change. I just hate not know how it will look at the end of the changing.

I must change too. I have babied myself, nurtured me, taken deep care to rest me, and nap me, and feed me good things. But all that time away from work, made me realize that I miss work. I miss holding space for people in real life, or sitting with a client and pulling cards, drawing on their beautiful spirit and desires. I love distant work too, which puts me in contact with so many amazing humans around the world.

But the act of Death and change and transformation is ultimately an act of creativity. Resurrection is all the rage. Transformation, death, creativity, art, and rebirth that is kind of my vulture-like jam. And by jam, I mean, I want it on every little bit of toast that I eat. I want that jam on surround sound. Creativity breathes and moves. It draws people in and connects us more deeply that anything else…think of your favorite song or poem or painting and all the other people who connect through that world…we need art and creative energy. I need art and creative energy like water.

Maybe I have been feeling like a “mostly dead” plant, because you can start watering a mostly dead plant, and slowly watch the green come back. Yes, maybe some brown and dried leaves will be gone forever, but if you repot, give her some new soil, attention, sunlight, care, love, and just the right amount of water, the plant will thrive.

I am burying the lead again, as I am wont to do, but all of this is to say I have some news. I am opening my in-person practice again at Alta View Wellness Center. I will be taking over the lower level classroom to see clients, do readings, and sell some items in a retail space. My idea is to have more handmade, recycled, used, and upcycled items than new. I thought that a metaphysical thrift shop would be ideal for me to handle. I won’t be open everyday all day, but have weekly hours that are semi-regular on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, but I will also open by appointment if needed. I will post weekly hours on my website and on my FB page.

But right now, it is just slowly coming together, but I am planning a Grand Opening celebration-y thing on May 3rd where my shop will be open 10 am to 2 pm. At Noon, I will do a guided meditation, then go into a Tarot Gallery, reading for whoever is there. I hope to see you there. This event is free, and my ten-year-old son Zachary will have a bake sale/pop-up café at the shop to raise money for Four Diamonds Mini-thon, which empowers K-12 students to raise funds and awareness to help conquer childhood cancer. Actually, Four Diamonds covers 100 percent of all medical expenses related to cancer care not covered by insurance for eligible Four Diamonds children. Because of the community’s steady and generous support, Four Diamonds has assisted 100 percent of the childhood cancer patients who have been treated at Penn State Health Children’s Hospital. Zach is a Mini-THONs leader, so he is spearheading this, and I am excited for him.

I have an RSVP if you are reading this and might be able to come. Just click here:

RSVP right here

So, that’s what I have been up to. No worries, distant clients and members of the Moon + Stone membership, I am still going to be there for you too. I am still doing monthly Full Moon and New Moon readings, sharing the earth medicine knowledge and holding my weekly coffee + cards circle on Monday morning. If you want to join the Membership Group, check out all the deets on the Membership page

One change that might affect you is that I have set up my online scheduler to accept in-person clients as well as distance clients. So, check in and make sure you are scheduling the correct appointment, but otherwise, I am so excited to be reconnecting in person with clients and watering myself just enough. Schedule an appointment with Angie at this link.

Much love,

Angie

Friends, this is an essay I wrote a few years ago on my newsletter. I thought I would revisit it on my podcast and blog today as it ties in with the Deer Medicine of this month’s Guided Shamanic Journey. If you are interested in receiving my readings at the Full Moon and/or New Moon, which are collectively pulled, but surprisingly personal, or if you are interested in received an audio guided shamanic journey with an animal each month, which goes in depth with the medicine of the animal, then has a 15-30 minute guided shamanic journey, I can read more in-depth about it under the membership section of my website: MEMBERSHIPS. Several of my journeys are available on my website, and I am working on getting them all up there with three years of guided shamanic journeys for my memberships, which have so many amazing journey including frog, horse, butterfly, bee, beetle, whale, vulture, panther, great blue heron, fox, cougar and more.

On the way to one of my mentoring circle, one of my students hit a deer. She was devastated. The deer most certainly will die, or already had died. She asked me, “What does this mean?” As a circle keeper and an earth medicine walker, I found myself stumbling over my words. Why does this happen to us who walk an earth medicine path? Others chimed in with their thoughts—the deer knew you could hold space for its transition; it was destined to die; better you than someone else.

A few years ago, after a circle, I was driving home. I live in the boonies, as we say, out in the sticks, where I worry about hitting deer. Pennsylvania ranks as the second most deer collisions in the country. So, I drive slowly, cautiously through the fields, and frequently stop for all kinds of wildlife. But I was still in the city, headed home, and bam, a deer ran into my car. It hit my front quarter panel. I pulled over and the deer laid on the side of the road, panting, clearly injured. I called the police and sent Reiki. I envisioned the Reiki energy repairing the deer’s legs and head, and strengthening it. I did this Reiki for almost 15 minutes, and the deer stood up, steady and whole, then ran right out into the street to get demolished and killed by a massive truck.

The truck tore the deer apart. I shook and cried as well.

What does this mean? Is it still medicine for us if we see our medicine dead on the side of the road? And how do we interpret it?

As I meditated on the death of the deer, I could see this interplay between the deer’s medicine and the encroachment of humanity. The medicine of deer resides in its deep vulnerability. When deer interact with humanness and urban environments, we begin to see just how vulnerable these magnificent creatures are. Humans have disrupted the balance of the predator and the prey. Our ancestors decimated the predators—wolves, mountain lion population, the bears—who would have hunted the sick and weak, keeping populations down. Massive deforestation also affects deer populations. Whitetail deer flourish in edge environments, right where the forest meets the suburbs. Streets and cars encroach on the delicate ecosystems. And hunting is down around the country with the ease of shopping for meat in the supermarket.

So, deer medicine is not only a medicine about the individual deer’s vulnerability to predators but the species. Deer, particularly those with antlers, have a strong connection to Spirit. Their antlers are said to reach high to our guides and angels as antennae for messages. Deer connects with the subtle energy system and has heightened senses from hearing to vision to smell. They are always sensing the disruption in the force.

I could not help thinking as my student told me about the deer and her accident that this was part of the critical message for her. Knowing that she is going through a beautiful spiritual opening, deer medicine can come in this way to remind us of our vulnerability during our spiritual opening. When we experience all this light and love that begins to channel through us from Spirit, we live in a bubble of good vibes. When I started opening, I just was always blissed out and only able to tolerate other lightworkers. When we take all this gentle light and vulnerability into the real world, our first encounters with the sickness of our society, the toxicity and negativity of people, the harshness of the news and the suffering of others, we experience this world just like the deer, hit out of nowhere by real life. This modern world is cruel to the vulnerable. Deer medicine embodies vulnerability, quiet, and gentleness. Nothing is more profoundly indicative of the imbalance then when nature interacts with urban life. Where we see how pollution hurts wildlife, or cars kill deer.

This grounded, counter energy to very high vibrational work is part of the medicine lightworkers need to carry as much as the light message of our power animals. When you open in profound ways, you are, of course, more susceptible to those deep wells of grief and compassion. But it goes deeper. There is nothing natural about carrying vulnerability or being an empath in a narcissistic world. We also have to experience and learn about the shadow medicine of our animals. Shamanic work is not always easy or light or fun. It is mostly about challenging ourselves to go beyond the surface, to experience the more profound message, to become stewards of the Earth, spokespeople for the Mother. When all of this starts, we want to live in that amazing Other World of Spirit. When we practice earth medicine, we become intrinsically tied to Mother Earth and Grandmother Moon, and their incredible cycles. Life and death, happiness and grief, masculine and feminine—this delicate balance becomes second sight to us We can see it without trying. Impermanence and suffering of life and of the human condition is part of our medicine and the spiritual experience. We must hold space for both light and darkness, birth and death. As we begin our opening, this can be a harsh reality.

If this happens to you, or you are driving and notice an animal sacred to you, dead on the side of the road, my suggestion is to begin asking what is the medicine for you—both in the animal’s living experience (how does it live, love, eat, hunt, raise its young, etc), then as your medicine interacts with the brutality of this world.

If you are able and feel up to it, take the hair or an item from the animal that was killed (always remembering that if it stinks, it will always stink. If it has bugs, your house will have bugs, so only newly killed animals can be harvested, but that is another post) and use it in ceremony. As medicine keepers, we need to honor the medicine and the allies and giving them a good death is part of this process. You can use that medicine you harvested on your altar or in a medicine bundle.

One thing I know is that none of us aim for the deer or squirrel or bird, so release guilt. Guilt is the illusion of control (if I did something different, it would have changed the outcome). Just be with the profound grief. That is enough suffering. Create a ritual of honoring the medicine of the deer. Sit in the discomfort of your humanness and the ways in which we can mitigate the harshness of our living on the earth. Allow the tears their flow. Fall into ritual and ceremony.

Remember anything, all of our human experience, can become our medicine. To ignore the death, suffering, and violence inherent in our animal medicine is to ignore the full power of its medicine. May you walk gently on the Earth, friends.