I had the most incredible dream last night: Kali first came, with her tongue and severed head necklace, then Kuan Yin with this pearlescent aura, almost like the chatoyance of a crystal with layers of light and colors of gold and pink (quite the contrast from Kali) and then la Virgen de Guadalupe with her grief and eternal love, she showed me the protectiveness of her aura, all spiky and sharp. They came in one by one, appearing to me, holding me, healing me, nurturing me, caring for me, the Mothers, as though I were convalescing, recovering from something or maybe even dying. They all held me as I lay on the floor crying.
I watched this as an omniscient viewer—above and away from the pain of this scene.
I still don’t quite know if this was the past or the present or the future, and also maybe it doesn’t matter so much. Maybe I just needed to be reminded that I am held by the Mothers, by the goddesses of Time, Compassion, and Love.
Lately, I have been in a deep hole of Not-Enough. Time looks down and says, “You will never get ahead of me, honey.” And then Energy says, “Angie, I sent you some fatigue, so you slow the fuck down already.” And then Chaos brings her deviant whirlwind of memories and triggers, she throws down random shit she found in her basement. There are kid-illnesses, construction projects with their loud beeping and noises. There are also sounds of machine gun fire from the local Army base. "OH, also, that new medication that is supposed to alleviate your joint pain has a side effect, excruciating migraines, you will love that," she laughs. "I also found a bunch of rabbit holes that will distract you for a while from what you are doing, because I know how much you love being sidetracked. Have fun!”
I decorated my abyss with a galaxy lamp too, so I am just making this place home for a while. Sometimes when you stare at the abyss and it stares back, just imagine me in there reading about the Eleusinian Mysteries and how you make bath bombs from scratch.
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I am neck deep in the middle of a session of the Complete Tarot.
I always have the most amazing students, who are insightful, wise, and interesting. And when I am pulling classes together, I love to innovate, change things up, weave more in. But dang is it a shit-ton of work. Have I mentioned (this hour) how much I love the Tarot—the art, the symbolism, the depth of meaning, the research?
I mean, it fires me up. For this session, I have brought in all the symbology and iconography as a step of the teaching. Is it too much information? Maybe. Possibly. But thus quoteth the Buddhist prophets of Brooklyn, the Beastie Boys—I can’t, I won’t, I don’t stop.
I also recorded a bonus video telling the stories of the Greek myths that appear in the Tarot, and I just wanted to keep going and going, but that’s how I ended up in the abyss of Not Enough time, energy, and stability. I reminds me of this Tarot Meme that makes me laugh.
So, that's what is up with me. I'm in a hole and it involves pain, exhaustion, and lots of research. It's not as bad as it sounds. What is up with you?
Much love. Angelica
PS I have some classes come up, so check out my Events page for all the stuff I have planned until the end of the year.