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blog

crows and other things we wait for

March 16, 2022 Angie Yingst

I have been trying to make friends with the crows in my yard. I watch videos of people slowly drawing them in with peanuts and other food. I talk to them, “Good morning, Crows! I have some peanuts for you.”

Sometimes it is just like that. You put out the call. And you wait. This morning, after I put the peanuts out and welcomed the crows in, I saw one land on the porch and look in the window. Later, I noticed my dogs eating every peanut they could reach. I just watched them as I drank coffee and laughed. Sometimes life is just like that and you have to laugh.

Today is exactly six months since the day of my double mastectomy.

I woke that morning, September 15th, like always, sitting with the children while they got ready for school. I just wanted to feel normal one last time, because I had no idea what life would be like after surgery. I wondered how I would feel 24 hours later, or even a month after. Would I like my body? Would I be in so much pain I couldn’t sit up? Would my cancer be invasive after all? Would I need chemo and radiation? What was my life going to look like? I remember thinking, “By the end of the year, this part will be over.” That didn’t seem that far away. The end of the year. I had endured so many things in my life. Three months didn’t seem that long.

And yet as I went through those three months, it felt long. I couldn’t remember not being in pain, not being totally fatigued or experiencing tightness and discomfort, not having open wounds. I had the surgery, then developed an infection in early November and had to have my wounds reopened to drain and drain and drain and drain, packing my own chest wall with gauze. I felt faint the first time I did it. Not from the pain, but the idea of it—stuffing my heart chakra with soft things so it would heal. It sounds like a metaphor. Maybe it is a metaphor.


There is something profound about opening the chest. I can remember in one of my Medical Anthropology courses at university learning about heart surgery and the profound changes people went through after a doctor “fixed” their heart. I thought about that a lot in the last eight months, about how my doctor was taking the small hard balls of cancer out of my body and what’s more, she was taking out these large breasts only really here to serve others—my babies, my lovers, strangers who gawk on the street. She gave me a body that was healed of cancer. A flat-chested, Buddha-bellied and healed body.

I have often said that this surgery felt like the end of the work, not the beginning. There is a freedom in the idea of being healed. My cancer was so early and contained that taking the breasts quite literally cured me of cancer. “If only emotional healing were as easy as this,” I thought many times. And truly, removing my breasts, while incredibly painful, exhausting, and intense, has been so much easier than trauma work.

Healing and uncovering trauma felt endless. Trauma laid in wait in my body, readying for a time when I felt safe enough to see it, when I had done enough work to really reparent myself in a healthy ways. In the last six years of discussing and working actively on my trauma in therapy and in my spiritual work has been so exceptionally difficult. I never had a moment where I thought—one day, this will be over. Healing trauma seemed to be a never-ending cycle of uncovering and uncovering and uncovering I felt stripped of all ego, of all identity, of all that made me me. And Me, it seemed, was simply a conglomeration of defenses, disassociation, and survival, which, when pared away, simply left me a wounded child who needed parenting.

The word I chose for 2021 was Healed. It was the process of being done with reliving and understanding my trauma and their responses, of being actively engaged in the processing part. I was ready to be in the moved-on part. I thought I might be there, but I wasn’t. It wasn’t until I got the call that my biopsy was positive for cancer that I had to reckon with what healed meant. Because it was at that moment that I said, “How do you want to approach this thing?” And I thought about my clients and what I tell them when life falls apart. It’s not one thing to do. It is an entire mindset shift and a reframing away from “This is happening to me” to “. Gratitude. Ritual. Asking for help. Energy work. Prayers. Herbs. Grieving. Connection. Community. Laughing.

And I laughed so very much.

I had appointments with my breast surgeon every week for two months after I had developed the infection in my chest. I asked her about her life and her education. While I lay back on the table, she tended to my wounds. We are the same age—the surgeon and I. And I developed a deep feeling of kinship and love for her that I never felt for a healthcare provider. Maybe it was because she is so kind, patient, non-judgmental. Or maybe it is because I trusted her and trust has been a hard one for me. Or maybe it was because she wore a Blue Kyanite and Amethyst pendant at the appointment before my surgery. I told her then that I was a crystal healer and Reiki master. She said, “You are? Great. You will be fine. You will have no trouble healing then. Do you want me to wear this for your surgery?” And I nodded, tearing up. And she wore it. She believed I could heal. I believed I could heal. And now I have healed.


Six months ago as I lie in my hospital bed, only a nightlight illuminating the room, I allowed myself to be surrounded by the love and prayers people were sending me. I could see the faces in my mind’s eye and I felt like I was floating, absorbing love into my cells. My chest felt like I had an iron bra on and constricted in a way that was both comforting and disconcerting. A very clear voice said:

Angie, there is going to be a time when you feel no pain and simply have a scar. You will be healed.

It was a mantra I said to myself this autumn and early winter. When I developed an infection, I thought:

Angie, there is going to be a time when you feel no pain and do not have open wounds. You will be healed.

When I developed COVID in the midst of the open wound situation, I thought:

Angie, there is going to be a time when you feel no pain and no illness. You will have closed wounds and no cough. There is going to be a time when you feel no pain and no illness. You will be healed.

So, I wanted to share this on the anniversary of my six months post-surgery if you are struggling. There will be a time when you will feel no pain and have no illness. There will be a time when your trauma work is done or when your depression has lightened, or your addiction is in remission, or your heart is not so broken. There is going to be a time when you feel no pain and do not have open wounds. You will be healed.

Until then, watch the birds come back to the feeders. Cry. Create a ritual. Use some crystals and herbs. Write about it in your journal. Scream in the woods. And laugh.

In soul work Tags breast cancer, doing the work, healing, honoring the medicine, inner child healing, rebirth
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My name is Angie M. Yingst, ACM, RMT. I am an Advanced Crystal Master and Certified Crystal Healer, Earth Medicine Practitioner, Reiki Master Teacher, Tarot reader and Psychic. My journey started as a writer and artist, mother and seeker. Now, I wri…

My name is Angie M. Yingst, ACM, RMT. I am an Advanced Crystal Master and Certified Crystal Healer, Earth Medicine Practitioner, Reiki Master Teacher, Tarot reader and Psychic. My journey started as a writer and artist, mother and seeker. Now, I write about crystals, Tarot, spiritual issues and soul work. You can reach me at angie@themoonandstone.com.

I believe the content I create, the tarot layouts, the blog posts about crystals, Tarot and soul work, the newsletter writings, the free readings, is worth at least the price of a cup of coffee a week. If you are in a financial situation where you agree, use this donation button to contribute to my research, creative work + future offerings. Donations are totally not necessary, so please let yourself be guided by Spirit if you agree. I appreciate your support. Abrazos!

Record a question for me to answer on my podcast Centered or send me an email at angie@themoonandstone.com. I will be answering your questions on upcoming episodes.

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 The Moon + Stone Healing Studio's newsletter links to the blog posts of the week, as well as covers issues about soul work, grief, crystal healing, tarot, moon cycles, holidays, and seasonal energies. You can sign up for the newsletter through this link. Past issues are archived here.


Find Angie around the web and beyond.

Moving Out and Moving On: Best Tips on Saying Goodbye to a Home, by Darby Mulligan on Apartment Guide, July 18, 2024

Beyond the Reiki Gateway with Andrea and Kathleen: The Songs and Science of Crystals with Angie Yingst, March 2023

I’ll Follow You: A chat with Angie Yingst on Allison Felus’s podcast I’ll Follow You, March 2020

Mothering Grief + Humanizing Healing interview on the Biz Bruja podcast with Vanessa Codorniu, May 2020.

Drawing Inspiration from your Crystal healing Practice, interview by Hibsicus Moon. July 2015.

Crystal  Healer Hangout, hosted by Hibiscus Moon, June 2014.

Demystifying Crystals on Sacred Connections with Kellyann Satterfield, July 2014.

My article in Crystal Resonance Magazine about Releasing Vows of Poverty in Past Lives. March 2014

Reading Tarot for Love Questions, free Spreecast class, hosted by Angie Yingst, March 2014. Starts around minute 9.

Demystifying Crystals on Talk-N-Angels with Rita Strough, August 2013.

Angie's Amazon Author Page.


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the tree of hope for spirit of oneness
 Angel Wings I created for Spirit of Oneness 2017
 Angel Wings at Spirit of Oneness 2017
is nothing sacred, 2021
bee medicine, 2020
 Sister Vulture, painted in 2015
 Spirit Guides, 2016
 the Ancestors, 2017
 Soul Retrieval, 2018
 Transformation, 2018
 Intuit, 2016.
 archangel azrael, the archangel of grief
 painting of lord lanto and mizuko jizo
 saint-germaine, reiki-infused painting.
 the Virgin of Guadalupe in progress.
 Ceremonial Vows for my work as a healer, 2018
two jizos, 2013
 from the art exhibit five at mulberry art studio in lancaster, pa. This is my series of paintings.
Distance Crystal Board
cycles, cover for oracle deck, 2021
summer solstice, marker, 2019
 a winter solstice wood block print with selenite tower.
 I sell my artwork and chapbooks in my shop.
 ten archangel azrael bookmarks for an angel party for grieving parents. painted for the lovely rita strough.
altar for babylost
 sketching an ourosboros, burning sage.
 enso meditation remains a strong part of my meditation practice.
 My family drawing with my husband Sam, daughter Beatrice, son Thomas, and dog Jack. Since I drew this picture, we had another baby named Zachary Michael. Our daughter Lucia is represented by the ladybug, and our son Michael by the Raven, our two bab
 vision board for 2014
 creative journal entry
 creative journal entry
 creative journal entry
 creative journal entry
 from my creative journal
 Working on a painting of the Virgin of Guadalupe
grey owl
 massive mizuko jizo painting session done for grieving parents across the world. also a heart grid for the grieving.
 apophyllite grid with garnet, clear quartz, and white arrowheads.
 autumn mandala with clear quartz, carnelian, apple, white arrowheads, and autumn blooms.
 Abundance grid during a house sale.
 High vibration grid for upper chakra work at the Spirit of Oneness Expo. Includes apophyllite, angelite and clear quartz.
 Working with deer medicine on my altar.
Abundance grid
carneliangrid4.jpg
 offering in a green aventurine bowl.
 grid for cancer patient with ruby zoisite, shungite, smoky quartz, lepidolite and clear quartz. Lepidolite and green tourmaline in the center.
 Creativity grid with carnelian, dravite, clear quartz, and of course my little Ganesha statue.
 Sacral chakra altar and grid.
 Forgiveness grid centered with lepidolite. Around the edges are lepidolite, rubellite, optical quartz, green kyanite, aragonite, astrophyllite and clear quartz points.
 grounding grid from the spirit of oneness includes black tourmaline and garnet.
 grounding grid with black tourmaline, hematitie, smoky quartz.
 heart grid with rose quartz, rhodochrosite, and green aventurine.
 Altar for Spring
 Upper chakra grid
Winter solstice basket
Winter solstice grid
 Grounding grid
 Bear medicine grid with black tourmaline and garnet sphere, garnet, black tourmaline, and white arrowheads
 Winter Solstice altar with grid, selenite, garnet and green aventurine.
 Community Dia de los Muertos altar at Alta View Wellness in 2016
 Dia de los Muertos grid for connecting with the ancestors—Apache Tear,
animalmedicinealtar.jpg
autumnmandala.JPG
autumnnaturegrid.jpg
chakraopeninggrid.jpg
chrysocollagrid.jpg
Empowerment Grid.jpg
IMG_1019.JPG
 grief grid with Rose Quartz, dravite, clear quartz, rhodochrosite, green aventurine.
IMG_1424.JPG
mabongrid.jpg
medicinewheel.jpg
 Infinity Grid with Chrysocolla, Dravite and Herkimer Diamonds and Owl Feather.
 Lino printings of the Sun and the Heart Labyrinth, 2012
 Romantic Relationship Healing grid for clarity, sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy with Apophyllite, Carnelian, Rose Quartz and Selenite. View 1
 Romantic Relationship Healing grid for clarity, sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy with Apophyllite, Carnelian, Rose Quartz and Selenite. View 2
 Grid for empowerment and energy—Carnelian, Sunstone, Citrine and Arrowheads.
 I love to Reiki and grid my food before serving it. This is a pecan pie I baked for Thanksgiving, gridded with Clear Quartz and Carnelian.
 Grid for Channeling Angels, angelite, blue lace agate, Danburite, Clear Quartz
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