rebirth

I have been thinking about rebirth so much these past few weeks, maybe even months, as the animals of rebirth began appearing for our monthly journeys in the Spring. Jaguar showed up first, the Queen of Shadow work and the one who often appears for dismemberment, then Snake, the shedder of skin and the symbol of transformation, and then in August, Beetle came…a small guide of rebirth who turns literal shit to nourishment, recycling our difficult experiences into powerful spiritual lessons. My personal work with Vulture prepares me, of course, intimately connecting to death and rebirth.

Through this entire process with breast cancer, it has felt like the end of a dis-ease, not the beginning. A personal invitation to be reborn into the healed Angie, the one who has done the work. That might sound strange, but it felt like the culmination of many years of working through trauma, grief, soul loss, and heart chakra imbalances. Like there is this part of you—over the heart, that has manifested cancer in my milk ducts. Interestingly, the cancer developed in a breast I was never able to produce milk out of. That is not exactly true. The milk was produced, but it could not be expressed. (Is that a metaphor or what?) I had a child who died, and I remember how engorged and painful my breasts were, filled with milk and no child to drink. I put huge cabbage leaves on it, until they withered and I smelled like an Eastern European soup. I would cry in the shower as my breasts would weep milk. Except the right one. It would just stay hard and engorged and no milk would weep until it just stopped trying.

During those days, I often thought about this class on Death and Dying in college with one of my mentors Dr. John Raines. He said that babies cry because they know they deserve food, comfort and love. And the cry, he explained, was exactly designed to be uncomfortable for humans, it is a noise we want to stop. It is only when they cry and no one comes that babies stop crying. My breasts were the same. They eventually stopped weeping milk because no baby came to feed.

It is interesting that this tidbit came from a class on Death and Dying. We have those moments we face death both metaphorically and literally. Maybe we survive a great trauma that threatened our life, or we stand and face our demons and get sober, or we ask for a new way to be in the world. In the process of earth medicine initiation, we undergo the process of rebirth through the shamanic experience of dismemberment, where, in the journey state, we literally ask our animals to rip us apart, tearing at us, killing us in journey, so that we may rebirth. With Vulture as my guide, she asked me to release my soul. She could not tear me apart alive. This process of releasing brought up so many emotions and feelings of helplessness that had permeated my life…how do I let go when all I have been doing is holding on tight? It is a zen koan, a paradox for survivors. Somehow I did, though. That is the thing…somehow we do. We do it when the holding on is killing us.

When I had my first chakra balancing many many years ago, my heart was completely closed. The pendulum did not move. It just stood stock still. It disturbed me. I had learned through my many years of life how to shut my heart off. Immediately, the self-punishing thoughts flooded in. “Oh my God, I am broken. My heart is shut. I am a monster.” (This is why I teach my students to be kind and gentle when doing a chakra balancing.) It has been decades-long work to open my heart and to trust people. It was well before I became a healer that I started, but I knew then that the pendulum was telling me something I needed to pay attention to. Opening my heart involved many healers, many therapists, many releases, many times feeling so vulnerable and fearful that I took steps backward and then when I was ready, started back on the path.

I say this because there is no healer that isn’t a wounded healer. Our DNA, our strength as healers comes from our wounds. It comes from our humanness, not our divinity or otherworldliness. While I appreciate there are many who feel shadow work is not as important as light work, I politely, yet adamantly, beg to differ. Any lightwork done without being aware of your wounds ultimately will take you back on the same path again and again. You encounter the same lessons, the same kinds of people (friends, lovers, colleagues, enemies.) Our wounds are invisible blocks that keep us in an eternal loop on the spiritual path, like Sisyphus, the Greek King who cheated death twice and was forced to roll a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down. Sisyphus’s story has come to represent any futile, yet difficult task. Unless, we can identify our own triggers, wounds, and blocks; make them visible then dismantle them, we stay in this endless Sisyphean cycle. This is the rebirth. To simply emerge from the tedious work, to slowly break down that rock, our wounds into smaller pieces, so then we can break that cycle. Then our journey isn't so tedious.

Where shamanic and earth medicine work excel is in the rituals, ceremonies, symbolic work of that rebirth. We call in the snake, the beetle, the vulture to help us find a way to break our cycles. This work is a lifelong process. I have been intimately involved with this trauma work and work around my own heart for so long it is almost comical, but also I didn’t start it to be a good healer or to write a newsletter or blog post. I started it because that heart, the one closed and unable to weep, demanded I look at it. This petulant, hurt child within me said, “I cannot be ignored any longer. I will not be neglected. I need to be loved.” It began crying and I began responding. And in turn, I healed those around me, who tried to get into that closed heart for years.

Self-care and self-love sound like such bullshit terms, but they are juicy, deep, life-altering journeys. They aren’t just bubble baths and dark chocolate and masturbation. Self-love embodies self-compassion, self-care, self-worth, and self-actualization. We must remother ourselves, or refather ourselves. That has been the challenge—seeing and loving myself unconditionally. But when I struggle, I look at my own children and think, "You are just like them--beautiful, perfect, worthy of care."

It is strange to see my body without breasts. I don't NOT like it. It is just an adjustment. I am almost starting to like it more. I have been trying to take some time with no bra and no shirt to just get used to how I look now—a huge scar running across the place where my babies suckled. My belly sticks out like a big Buddha belly and my chest goes in, almost concave. Right now it is all puckered and there are major folds in it that are angry and tight. They will soften over time. Just like the other scars I have healed in my life—things soften with time. I can honestly say that I feel complete, even without my breasts. This body does not seem ugly, or unlovable, or unworthy at all. It is simply an adjustment.

This is what healing gives you—unconditional radical self-acceptance. I have been working on it for years by demanding I love myself. I thought that if I just said it enough, wrote it out on enough intentions, it would happen, but the truth is—that isn't what did it. You are not in control of the healing timeline. It is something you cannot fake. You simply love yourself until you are willing to accept the love. That's the thing--for me, self-love was about accepting the love, not giving it. Giving love was easy for me, but accepting it was a whole other thing altogether. You become gentle with your inner voice. One day something weird happens—you get diagnosed with breast cancer, or your partner leaves you, or you notice that your face is wrinkled and your hair grey, or you break something valuable and through this long rebirthing process you realize you aren't mad at you, or disappointed, or embarrassed, or ashamed. You stand tall and you say, “Yep, that is me, still me, still the same me as yesterday, still worthy of love and acceptance. I love you. You got this, kid.”

You got this, kid. I love you.

healing messiness

This is from my latest newsletter. You can subscribe here.

dearest friends,

The birds feast on the sorghum that has sprouted from bird seed. It is beautiful how they know how to do this, even if they have never seen sorghum before.

In the winter months, I watch the birds from my meditation room. They congregate around the feeders, the suet and the fresh fruit I put out for them. I put a handmade feeder on the deck this year, because I couldn’t reach it on the feeding station and besides, they are fun to watch during meals. I love the drama of it. My husband complained about the mess they made. He lost patience when a small carpet of sprouts began spreading in late Spring on the newly mulched walkways. We spent a few days pick axing, clearing, digging out and planting flowers and bushes to have these unsanctioned plants begin their fight for life and survival. 

I root for the weeds, I admit. I cheer them on in whispers and stolen words. Once you begin the process of learning what and why the weed-plants grow in your yard, it is hard to pull out the ones that simply were here first. They are designed to feed the native animals and insects. But I began the process of cleaning the birdseed from the deck. And by cleaning, I mean, I swept them onto the lawn, beyond the mulched pathways, right at this place where I struggle with the mower, because it is too steep and I have an active imagination, particularly in regards to my own death. I thought the birds might find some food among the grass and be apt to scratch at the Earth a little. Let’s see what happens, I thought. I pulled the mulch up with the sprouts, carrying them to a tree stump on the hillside, and simply spread them out. Grow here, I invited them. Fill in the area. Be plentiful. I put an old planter stand there too, and that is where I put the handmade feeder. Problem solved. 

It wasn’t long until I received a message from my local birders group that there is an avian pandemic, spread through backyard bird feeders and well-meaning bird enthusiasts. We are encouraged in the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic to stop feeding them at collective stations, so I just left the feeders heartbreakingly empty. Because I didn't have the heart to cull all the bird seeds that started becoming plants in Spring, they grew and grew in Summer—five feet tall and beyond. They covered the entire hillside. Now, I have the most amazing garden of sunflowers and sorghum and millet, colors of bright yellow and ochre and oranges and reds. The Sunflowers are beautiful and then when they wither and grow brown, leaves falling, the birds began to visit again, and eat the seeds. The Sorghum turns burnt umber and the birds come in droves to eat and pick at their amazing heads. Golden Finch and black birds, starlings and cowbirds, hold onto the strong stalks and peck at the seed that grew out of their own messiness and shit. 

This is something I relate to.

Finding medicine and nourishment in my own messiness and shit. Maybe that is what I should write on my website—Angelica Yingst, specialist in finding medicine and nourishment in your own messiness and shit. It is my new mantra--Nothing is wasted. I write so rarely in this newsletter and yet, you have probably heard it many times. I try to embody and model for my clients, my students, my children, my friends, and my family how to deal with shit. How to reach out, how to find a community, how to make things sacred. When I am vulnerable and open, it heals not only me, but also is of service to other people. I recognize this, and yet it is still hellishly hard to be vulnerable and open. I tell stories about bird seed and sorghum and shit because it is hard and I am having trouble getting to the point, so suffice to say, this is me sweeping my bird seed and my shit onto the grass to see what sprouts.

A month ago now, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

It just came, out of a routine mammogram. Nothing extraordinary—no lump or bleeding or pain or strangeness, just something they saw on an annual scan. They told me it was early and that I was lucky. 

I feel lucky.

They told me in the same breath that I would have to decide what I wanted to do, which was basically one choice…one boob or two? Or rather a single mastectomy or a double? Which would I like? Would I like a single mastectomy or a double? 

With one boob, I could shoot archery like an Amazon, but I would still have to wear a bra with a prosthetic tit. With two gone, I could have a weirdly unnippled flat chest, which will probably be lumpy, rather than flat, because let’s face it my entire body is lumpy. I probably won’t like either choice, they said, but maybe this choice will save your life. We think it will. Maybe you can avoid chemotherapy and radiation and death, they said, but honestly, you are so lucky to have found it now. 

I feel lucky. I chose to remove both of my breasts.

A friend reached out telling me they saw a hawk flying with a snake. I saw the same thing a few weeks ago, like an Aztec myth or a Homeric saga, we are seeing similar signs. We wondered if it was a global message or a personal one. Maybe it is both...I can't help but think, in the way I did so many years ago when my daughter died, that life continues. That hawks capture snakes and people go to the mall and buy stupid shit and dogs bark at the neighbors even though things are happening in slow motion and in fear-o-vision for me. There are signs and synchronicities and healing, but I still have cancer. I am dealing with this by organizing my cabinets and buying hoodies.

When I was given this diagnosis, I kept thinking, "Angie, how will you make this sacred?" How can I capture this time before my breasts are gone forever? If I sprinkle this old bird seed and shit onto the grass, will it grow into something beautiful and nourishing? I know I will create artwork and write, because that is what I do with everything. I have created a crystal grid and an altar and called in Magdalene and Mother Mary and Kali showed up and Vulture…and yet, I simply want to lie in bed and stop the relentless litany of "Things I Need to Do Before DMX Day." And I can’t also, because the litany and the list are real and, from having done the lying in bed, obsessing about not obsessing thing, it doesn’t help. Organizing and making lists makes me feel in control when everything is out of my control.  

I am lucky. And yet, how will I release my breasts, the body parts that fed my babies (do you want tetita? I would ask them, as they turned their heads to latch on.) How will I release the chest they lean on, cuddle into, grab for when they are scared? How do I offer up the boobs that offered hugs to my hundreds of clients over the years and my sponsees who ask for their bosom hugs? How do I cut off the breasts that held pleasure and sensuality for my lovers? The breasts that are my husband’s favorite body part? 

It is easy to release them when I think of that time in my life when I was still a girl, when my breasts seemed to grow overnight. One day, my landscape was flat, and then small hills appeared. I remember how much they hurt when a football hit my chest. I remember when the boys started snapping bras and reaching over me, so they could graze them for a cheap thrill. I went from a flat, athletic girl to one leered at, an object of lust who still wasn’t sure if she wanted to play dolls or cut out Teen Beat pictures of George Michael. They have been the part of me people glared at, evidence that I was a slut or a hoochie mama intent on stealing their boyfriends. They brought derision and discomfort and pearl-clutching if I wore a spaghetti strap tank.  I have wanted them off since they were first unwantingly groped by creepy men or whistled at when I was just mindlessly walking down city streets. My breasts have brought annoyance and trauma and healing and love. It is a complicated relationship. 

This is the thing about us humans—even if we have never faced this particular crisis, we know how to make it sacred. I have learned to make it sacred by including people, by reaching out, by asking for support. Innately, we know how to eat the sorghum that grew from messiness and shit. We invite our bird friends to share.

*** 

I know this is shocking. It is shocking to me. But I have to tend to myself.  I have shut down everything in my shop—distance readings and healings, sales and memberships. I wish I could be present and hold space for you, but right now, this deep healing is reserved for me. Besides all I think all day is, “I have cancer. I am so lucky it is not worse.” My thoughts are dominated by this particular paradoxical truth. It is a niggling mantra that I keep wrestling with, like a Zen koan. I am devoted to my clients and students, but I am healing and coming to terms with this and making it sacred. And in that process, I have had to simplify and not be so bloody busy, as well as quarantine before surgery and prepare my home.

I have one more event before surgery on September 15th at Alta View Wellness Center with my bestie, Sharon Muzio. We are doing a shamanic healing circle on August 29th at 4p at Alta View—Sharon will lead the guided journey and I will do the hands-on healing. You can register here. 

I am beautifully interconnected to a vast, powerful circle of psychic, empathic healers, priestesses, shamanic wisdom and medicine keepers, seers, seekers, practitioners and beautiful souls like you, many around the world who I have been privileged to work with. If your expertise and experience falls into working with cancer, healing from surgery and making this process sacred, I’d love to hear about it. Please email or call (717-770-9109) and with that being said, hopefully, you understand that I am overwhelmed easily, so I might not get back to you immediately, or take your advice. Please do not take this personally as I am trying to intuitively navigate to what feels healing to me right now at this time. 

When I return, I will let you know. I may even write you a love letter or two.

summer solstice check-in

Early Summer in Pennsylvania blossoms into Wild Black Raspberries, Mugwort sprouting up wherever you let it, Wild Yarrow that hides in the tree line and roadsides, pretending to be Queen Anne's Lace. I see the snake tails disappearing into the long grasses and listen for the calls of the nighthawks. It only takes opening the eyes of your eyes and the ears of your ears to see the medicine all around you.

I turned my chicken coop into a potting shed and have fully dived into herbalism classes and study. I had always dabbled, but I wanted more formal training, and so I am getting it. I have always grown herbs to use for teas and salves, but it is different this year when my eyes became more finely tuned to the subtle healing of all the native plants of my area. My kids thought I was magick when I chewed up a Fleasbane Daisy and put it on a bugbite of my son, and it disappeared. I felt like magick too, as he said, "I thought that was a weed."

Weeds are just a matter of perspective, son.

I think about that quite a bit--how the thing we think is a nuisance ends up becoming the medicine. How a flower's beauty is all a matter of perspective. Same with humans. I think about how hard I work pulling unsanctioned flowers out of a bed I am trying to plant flowers in. We learn the things we learn through nature. I have never wasted an experience...I have used it all in some way. I would venture to say you have too.

I have spent the last few years healing trauma from different realms of my life--big traumas and little ones. I honestly just started calling things by their proper name. It has been the most humbling, difficult aspect of my work with self-love and self-compassion. I suppose this is called shadow work, but it feels more like integration work.

I remember being particularly keyed up and triggered by something and losing my patience with my kids a few minutes later. I put myself in time-out and my husband followed me. I was crying. And in that crying without thinking I said, "Why did bad stuff happen to me?" It is a question I never let myself ask, really. It feels so immature, so unevolved, to ask that question, and yet, the child in me needs a voice too. I have suppressed her for too long. Sometimes the work we need to do is just to say--that just wasn't fair.

For me, sitting in the unfair, is not comfortable. I am a fighter (not a flighter or fawner). I prefer fighting for justice. I don't usually struggle with fighting for my rights or the rights of others. But just sitting with injustice is so difficult for me. And yet that has been the work of the last few years...sitting in injustice--in our outer world with the struggles of black and indigenous people (761 bodies of indigenous children found this week outside of a residential school is such a horrendous example of this), and people of color, and then in our inner world with our own suffering and struggles healing trauma, addiction, codependency, fear, grief, anger, physical and mental struggles...we have to sit with injustice. All of us.

After I sit and feel the weight of it, I take a breath. I process it. And then look at this unsanctioned act and make medicine out of it. When Elizabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler mention the 5 stages of grief, they were talking about acceptance of death. It was written for those who were dying, not those who were living, but quickly, it was adopted by the grieving. Recently, I read that Kessler postulates another stage for the grieving--making meaning. This is what humans do. We make meaning. We seek a story. We want to thrive.

And so I challenge you to make meaning out of a loss, to find a weed and make it medicine. There is beauty in every flower. It is just a matter of perspective.

Episode 12: Tarot's Card of the Year for 2020 with Kyra Paules

I love me a good conversation with Kyra. It was so fun to talk about the Card of the Year (Emperor) for 2020 and the Card for 2021 (Hierophant). So we talk Tarot and the energy of the past two years and how we see archetype and tarot work play out on a larger scale with this work.

Episodes 10 + 11: Essay about Grief, Suffering + Screaming

I took a little turn on my podcast as we were entering the holiday season to just riff on some ideas I have shared before, but seem relevant every year which is grief and suffering and how deeply important they are to just be in when we feel them. I just spent two episodes talking about all of this. If you want to hear some thoughts about why spiritual bypassing sucks, here ya go!

Episode 9: Introverts & Spirituality with Alison Truitt

Today’s episode features my friend Alison Truitt. I met Alison a few years ago in a Tarot class I was teaching where Ali was the only student. We went deep really quickly, as tarot forces you to do. We share many of the same practices and rituals and especially our way of being in the world, because we are both Introverts. That might be surprising to some of you, especially because I am so public with my work. But I think the defining aspect of being an introvert is where you draw your energy—alone or with others. Alison and I decided to explore this topic today, talking about being an introvert, a highly sensitive person or an empath and our spiritual journey. I really wanted to have a conversation about this topic, because those of us in the spiritual realms often talk about the power of community and circles, but this is not everyone’s comfort zone. Many of us introverts are solitary practitioners and practice our own religious or spiritual practices that are separate from organized religions. So, I wanted to ask Alison: What is circle like as an introvert? What is your practice like? We also explored the tarot archetype of the Hermit, the introvert’s guide in a spiritual world. So, Alison was born and raised in the ridges and foothills of the Appalachians of Pennsylvania. As she describes in the podcast, she finds immeasurable solace in and inspiration from Mother Earth. She believes that Nature’s happenings are a reflection of one’s own rhythms. Alison is also guided by the cycles of the seasons and the moon and is strongly connected to both her Celtic heritage and the Divine Feminine. She seeks to honor all that has shaped her path as she looks inward to reclaim her soul's purpose for this lifetime and outward to manifest beauty and share it with others. Alison writes at her blog the Hermit’s Handicrafts at wordpress (I’ll put the link in the show notes) and she sells beautiful jewelry, malas and artwork around the journey of pregnancy, motherhood and beyond at her Etsy shop the Hermit’s handicrafts. Hope you enjoy this episode of Centered.

https://thehermitshandicrafts.wordpress.com/

https://www.etsy.com/shop/HermitHandicrafts

Episode 8: Ethics with Kyra Paules

In this episode, Kyra and I talk about ethics as a healer and tarot reader and some challenges we face in our community without a governing board. We talk about holding space, training and certifications, soul retrieval, shadow work and more.

Episode 7: Angie Answers Your Questions

Angie flies solo on this episode by answering your questions. Angie talks about meditation, sacred spaces, discernment, shamanism and her origin story. Oh, and Angie mentions this is a mini-episode. It is not. Send me your questions at angie@themoonandstone.com

Episode 6: The Dead Baby Club with Jess Southwood

Today’s conversation is with one of my closest friends Jess Southwood. Unlike my other guests who work in the realm of spirituality, Jess is a Business consultant and facilitator, with a particular focus on leadership development, team dynamics and creativity in business. But honestly, I didn’t invite her to talk to me about her work, though it is fascinating and has taken her all over the world. I didn’t invite Jess to talk because she loves yoga and writing and poetry. I invited Jess here because we share something in common—we re both bereaved mothers. We “met” in 2009, after our second daughters were stillborn. And through our grief, we both sought community on the internet and through starting our own blogs about grief and mothering. We were both writerly and creative and irreverent and formed an immediate and all-encompassing bond. I wrote at a blog called Still life with Circles, and she wrote at a blog called afteriris and then we both were invited to write for the Literary Hub Glow in the Woods, founded by Kate Inglis as a place to write more literarily about what Kate titled babyloss. I later became the editor for a few years. We spent time in person together, and have maintained our friendship for the last 11 years, growing together and experiencing more of us. I wanted to talk to Jess about sisterhood, spiritual bonding, emotional intimacy, grieving publicly, and you know, dead babies. We say that quite a bit in this episode. We talk about it bluntly, like you find in the community of grieving women on the internet. There is a whole community. Most people who have never lost a child have no idea there is a corner of the internet where women talk about the death of their baby—over and over again. We write stories and exchange emails and have an entire community of bereaved mothers and fathers. Jess is an extraordinary woman. I feel so blessed to have her as one of my best friends. As you can hear from our conversation, she is deeply thoughtful, funny, intelligent, self-aware and interesting. Jess’ s first collection of poetry can be found at littlelosses.com. She has a Masters degree in Shakespeare Studies from the Shakespeare Institute in Stratford-upon-Avon. She lives in Birmingham, UK, with her husband, three children, two cats, one dog, and too many books. I hoe you enjoy my conversation with Jess Southwood.

My grief blog: http://stilllifewithcircles.blogspot.com

Jess’s first poetry collection: https://littlelosses.com/

Glow in the Woods: http://www.glowinthewoods.com/

We mentioned a few things in this podcast including the Right Where I Am Project.

First year: http://stilllifewithcircles.blogspot.com/p/right-where-i-am-project.html

The last year I did this: http://stilllifewithcircles.blogspot.com/2014/07/right-where-i-am-five-years-and-almost.html

Kate Inglis who coined the term Babyloss’s writing: http://www.kateinglis.com/

Kara Chipoletti Jones https://linktr.ee/griefandcreativity

Niobe and Dead Baby Jokes: her blog

Niobe’s GITW posts: http://www.glowinthewoods.com/blog/tag/Niobe

Angie’s GITW posts: http://www.glowinthewoods.com/blog/tag/Angie

Jess’s GITW posts: http://www.glowinthewoods.com/blog/tag/Jess

Episode 5: Coming Out of the Broom Closet with Kristin Gallagher

Eclectic Pagan Witch Kristin Gallagher and I sat down for a little talk about coming out of the closet—the broom closet, that is, and being a public witch. It is something we have privately talked about for years—sharing our experiences with being public and sharing our personal spirituality. I absolutely love Kristin and her energy. She has gotten super popular on TikTok, sharing her witchy content and Witchy Mamma lifestyle.

You can find Kristin on TikTok at @onewitchymamma  or on Instagram at witchy.mamma – Instagram and coming soon (no videos up yet) WitchyMamma – Youtube. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Kristin Gallagher. Hope you enjoy my conversation with Kristin!

Episode 4: Tarot's Gatekeepers of Shadow with Kyra Paules

You know, I love good conversations with laughter and insight. Kyra and I always seem to have these interesting wandering conversations that are enlightening and interesting. This one started as a conversation about the “dark cards” of the Major Arcana. We were basically using the Rider-Waite-Smith deck for reference and start with the Hanged Man and end with the Tower, talking about this part of the spiritual journey through the Major Arcana.

Episode 3: the Minister & the Shaman with Reverend Howard West

I am so honored to share this conversation with my friend and spiritual advisor Rev. Howard West. Howard is an ordained Presbyterian Minister with at Masters of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary and he specializes in geriatric spiritual care, dementia, end-of-life care and caregiver support. He has served for more than 15 years as Executive Director of Spiritual Life Services of Country Meadows Retirement Communities.  Howard is also a trained counselor with a Master’s degree in Counseling from the University of Pittsburgh with almost three decades of experience collaborating with self-help groups that address family and relationship problems, addiction/codependency, depression and other mental health issues.  Howard has a B.A. in East Asian Studies (China specialization) from Penn State University, is fluent in Mandarin Chinese and is a daily practitioner of Chinese martial arts including Taichi.  He also has a long-term interest in eastern spirituality and its impact on physical, emotional and spiritual health.  When Howard and I met, his first question to me was, “Are you a shaman?” From there, we became fast friends. Our spiritual connection runs deep, always coalescing in discussions about how much we actually have spiritually in common. I once said to him, we should really have a podcast called “the Minister and the Shaman” where we answer questions from people and I admit that when I started this podcast, I immediately thought of Howard and some of our amazing conversations about spirituality, religion, trauma, psychological issues, & emotional sobriety. I consider Howard to be one of the most important spiritual advisors, influences, and friends. We have birded together, as Howard has an uncanny ability to be observant and aware in nature. No mistake that he is an avid outdoorsman and nature photographer. His connection to the Earth and nature is profound and humbling. I’m so honored to have this as one of many conversations we will have together, so here is my conversation with Reverend Howard West.

Episode 2: What is Tarot's place in this moment? with Kyra Paules

Oh, boy, I was looking forward to this conversation with Kyra Paules so much. I have known Kyra for a number of years, and she has become one of my go-to Tarot friends who I talk to about cards, life and ethics. In fact, I called on her when I was working on my June reading, because I just did not know if any of this was relevant or useful in this time. She and I talked about it, and I thought…this might be a useful conversation to have on the podcast. So, I hope you enjoy it!

Saying the wrong thing

from the Chrysalis Tarot by Toney Brooks and Holly Sierra

from my June 2020 Newsletter, which you can subscribe to here.

I don’t always know what to say when the world is in turmoil. And particularly in this moment when there is violence and righteous anger. When people are so polarized and afraid, it feels like chaos. This is another Tower moment for us as a nation. First COVID-19 had us tumbling out of the Tower. My friend Sharon Muzio said we are in a Tower moment with COVID-19, but we still are in mid-air, not in the Tower and not on the ground yet. And now, the country faces nationwide protests. The president calls for militarization and more police presence, while peaceful protests move forward. It is as though we are still falling out of the Tower, and now we are seeing the Tower collapse underneath us as we are still in mid-air, unsure of where we will land.

We are razing the beast, hopefully. Kali, the Dark Mother, comes in for this work. She is a goddess of death and rebirth. The tall Tower of oppression and systemic racism needs to fall. But it is all we know. Truthfully, I am here for it. But in this way? Seeing black people genuinely losing their freedom, arrested or worse, facing bodily injury to speak the truth of police brutality and racism in the streets. Tanks rolling into town. The infamous pictures of police with raised batons hitting people, black people, injured faces from rubber bullets and fear. We are hearing mixed reports of who is causing the looting and rioting—protesters or implants to make the protesters seem violent. We honestly do not know. It suddenly seems like we have woken up in another world. We were isolated in our homes, and now the streets are filled. But this is OUR world. We created this. So, we watch it come down, frightened and unsure how to move forward. We ask Kali to guide this destruction so we can rebuild and rebirth into a different world where we no longer have to say Black Lives Matter, because of course, they do. We see that sentiment in action in our government, in our actions, in our consciousness. 

I really struggled with my monthly offerings this week. Is Tarot silly in lieu of all this? What could I possibly offer right now? Is it spiritually bypassing this suffering to talk about woo-woo energy healing, earth medicine allies, tarot, journeying...I talk a little about this in my monthly reading (See below). But I mostly really struggled with speaking at all.

 - I want to say my heart hurts, but I know it is not enough and, besides, my heart is not at issue here.
 - I want to scream when I see another black man killed, but I am afraid of showing you my anger. 
 - I want to cry and throw a tantrum about all the pain black people in this country have suffered for 400 years, but I don’t want it to be about me (I am afraid you will comfort me and not do anything else.)
 - I want to walk away from the news and media and forget this is happening, but I don’t want to fall back on my privilege to be able walk away from this pain since black people cannot walk away from this ever.
 - I am afraid of saying the wrong thing in the wrong way. 
 - I am afraid of saying the right thing in the wrong way. 
 - I am afraid of saying the right thing in the right way. 
 - I am afraid you will see my own wounds around racism and being a Latinx womyn. 

I have always tried to be vocal about my dedication to anti-racism and intersectional feminism. But I feel vulnerable showing these things as a spiritual teacher. There is a belief that we need to be above politics and not in the fray of polarized views. We are not supposed to watch the news or care about this stuff. I hear it all the time. the news is too toxic and full of fear-mongering and low vibrational energy. We are just spirit, right? Heaven forbid that we show anger. Anger is so demonized in our metaphysical community. So, yeah, not talking about peace and love and light is scary.

And yet this time is calling for us to move into the fear and talk anyway. We cannot be afraid to make mistakes, to be corrected, to lose people offended by anti-racist views, to say something perceived as racist or oblivious or privileged. We cannot know what we do not know. So, I am trying to remain fearless and teachable.

I believe wholeheartedly that Spiritual work is about justice and balance. We need to be speaking out and connecting the Spirit with the physical body. Spirituality is not for the privileged few who are not in physical danger or threatened with injustices. In fact, I would argue, that is EXACTLY who we are here for. So, if you are wanting to learn more, welcome BIPOC (this stands for Black, Indigenous, People of Color) into your circles—spiritual and secular. Do the work you can do around your own internalized racism and subconscious racism. We can do this, not by asking black people to explain it to us, but by reading about it. Some great places to start:

Layla Saad in the Guardian put together an Anti-Racist reading list

Buy from black owned bookstore if you can.

Layla Saad has a wonderful course/workbook/book called Me and White Supremacy that is such an eye-opener.

This piece by Layla Saad is SO IMPORTANT. It is called "I need to talk to spiritual white women about white supremacy (Part One)”

Dr. Robin DiAngelo on White Fragility and Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

If you have some money to donate to causes, here is a list of good organizations to support right now.

Support BIPOC teachers, educators, and writers. Often Black teachers will have a paysite (Venmo or PayPal) linked on their bio in Instagram so you can directly support their writing and work. They often do so much free education on Instagram and Social Media outlets for people who want to learn how to be allies.

* * * * * * * *

This month, our June allies came forth strongly, and as I have sat with them for a few days, I realize that they are so apt. If you are a membership subscriber, Tiger came through as an ally for us this month, so your shamanic journey with tiger will be emailed out. June 5th is the last super moon. It is in Sagittarius, and there is an eclipse. Plus, Mars is a perfect Square and June is facing 7 planets in retrograde. So, hold on for the ride. For us spiritually focused folk, our medicine allies can help us navigate these crazy times, so practice exquisite energetic hygiene and self-care. Ask me if you need some help.

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Episode 1: Chakras with Sharon Muzio

It was so fun to talk to one of my BFFs Sharon Muzio from Alta View Wellness Center in Harrisburg, PA. She is a long-time practitioner of energy work and massage. She is the OG in this area. I wanted to talk chakra with her, since she works with the chakras do in-depth. As COVID-19 has reared up, she has recorded journeys around each of the chakras, which will soon be available. She actually has a journey coming up on June 2nd called Shamanic Journey with the Chakras, which you can register for now. It is being held on Zoom, and seriously, she leads a beautiful journey. You can register by getting in touch with her at avwc@comcast.net

Have a listen to my conversation with Sharon:

Centered

One of the things I love about what I do for a living as a healer and teacher is having amazing conversations with people. Breakthroughs happen. Ways of thinking about our own journey evolve and change. I often say in my classes, I can raise your vibration, but you have to change your consciousness.

We are all on the path of healing. I grow because of the people around me, the conversations that are evolving. One of the things I have felt were most damaging to the metaphysical community is the BS. I really crave conversations that get to the meat of matters and really dig deep into the rich soil of healing work. I kept thinking about some of the conversations I have had with my friends who are healers and psychics when we are just bullshitting on the phone. We talk about HOW we do this work for ourselves. I am really interested in sharing some of those conversations, so I have invited some of my friends to talk to me about a topic. My hope is that it isn’t just get to know you conversations, but deeper conversations about specific topics.

I’m going to have regular monthly conversations about astrology, tarot, healing and other one-off conversations with spiritual people who are doing their work.

Listen to the trailer here:

Distance Healing

Throughout the pandemic, healers have had to dig deep into new ways of serving our people and communities. In the last few weeks, I have had a phone call with my rheumatologist, sent photos of my skin to my dermatologist, had a telehealth video appointment with my therapist, had a distance psychic reading with an amazing reader in Colorado, attended twelve step meetings online, and all kinds of new, different ways of connecting with my healing team. As energy healers, we are taught that energy transcends time and space. Distance healing usually is part of our training. As a Reiki practitioner, we use the distance healing symbol to create an etheric tube to send healing to a time, person, place or event. We can work with the past, present or future.

Energy healers work with energy (duh). Energy is not bound by the three-dimensional experience. As a shamanic practitioner, I use the journey state to access a dimension that exists simultaneously with other times. The journey world powerfully goes beyond what we can see. We call it the Non-Ordinary Reality. Shamanic States of Consciousness or Trance state is access to enter NOR where I can see the body and work with guides to heal spiritual, mental, physical and emotional issues. It’s incredibly powerful to do this work. I know I lose people when I start talking about this. It sounds so woo-woo and far-out.  But I can assure you that you do this already through prayer, sending healing or love, focusing energy toward someone far away (including in the past or in the future).

I have been working with Distance healing since I started my practice and have clients all around the world and country. I have developed some really specific ways to connect with clients.  I was incredibly honored to be asked by my mentor Hibiscus Moon to teach a class at Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy on Distance Healing called Distance Healing Logistics. This is designed for energy healers of any background or modality to learn some techniques for offering distance healing to clients. Particularly important during this time of social distancing.

I offered this live on May 12, but you can now buy the recorded class and all the information I researched for this class through Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy.

Distance Healing Logistics

Through that class, I offered a one-to-many model of distance healing and provided a beautiful healing with Mother Earth. During that, I used my beautiful distance healing proxy grid board that I designed. I have been using proxy boards for many many years. I have a woodworking husband who always has told barn wood in the barn, then I wood burn the design on reclaimed barn wood. I love combining artwork and working with my hands with my healing work. Well, people were asking me where I got this board, and would I sell one, and I thought about it. My husband and I decided to put these up, and we are selling out faster than we can make them. I have a few in my shop now, if you are interested.

Distance Healing Proxy Board 18” X 18”

Distance Healing Proxy Grid Board 18” x 9” (look around because I also have some Live Edge pieces which are absolutely gorgeous!)

I also offer distance healing sessions and tarot readings too.

Hope you enjoy them!

Healing your Inner Child, a conversation

This conversation on Healing your Inner Child with transformational healer Walking Crow, renowned author and mystic Katye Anna and I was such a beautiful experience. Walking Crow and Katye Anna and I explore what it means to be triggered, how to recognize it is happening and then how to heal from trauma and wounding from a young age. It was a beautiful experience. I hope you give a listen and then comment below. Follow Etheric Connections on FB for more of their powerful conversations. Lloyd and Leslie also have an awesome crystal shop, that is currently closed due to the state regulations, but they are selling online and are happy to look at inventory and help you shop. Support Local Small Businesses closed for the foreseeable future. Comment below to continue the convo.

Mothering Grief and Humanizing Healing: A podcast convo with the Biz Bruja

Though I live in the middle of Pennsylvania, we have some amazing healers, practitioners and leaders in the global psychic and healing community. I work alongside one of the strongest channelers of energy with my healing companion Sharon Muzio, the owner of Alta View Wellness Center. Sharon leads the Spirit of Oneness Holistic Expo too, which is the largest spiritual gathering we have in Harrisburg. Vanessa and I are both present in this circle. We mention Sharon in this episode, so just want to give her a shout-out. Because Vanessa touches on this a bit in the beginning, we live in a community that feels small compared to New York City, but we have a vibrant community of gifted healers here. And the beautiful thing about being in a smaller community is that we find each other—the brujas and curanderas and mystics and medicine people.

When Vanessa Codorniu came to one of my circles, her dynamic, earnest energy lit up the room. She had been working in the huge community of New York City doing shamanic work, psychic work and ancestral healing. She had just moved to our community, and we have been fan-girling each other ever since. I take her circles. She takes mine. I have been blessed to have her in my circle of friends and healer colleagues. She is a gifted practitioner, circle leader, psychic and more. This conversation was so rich and expansive. it is because we speak the same language. She is not afraid of a little shadow and magick. She had interviewed me for this podcast in December, so pre-COVID-19. I want to say that because we mention nothing about what is happening in the world. I think we would have a very different conversation today. But I love the conversation we did have. We had some connectivity issues, so if you hear a blip or two, it clears up in a second.

I hope you enjoy this conversation with me and Vanessa. Let me know what you think by dropping a comment below, or sending me an email at angie@themoonandstone.com.

Etheric Connections's Divine Collaboration Virtual Expo

On Saturday, May 2nd, I was honored to be invited by Lloyd of Etheric Connections (like their FB page to keep updated on these awesome live events) to participate in a live Panel Discussion on how to transmute fear into love, and what exactly is the nature of this time of fear. It was a very cool conversation. We are actually having a more detailed discussion on Healing your Inner Child with transformational healer Walking Crow, renowned author and mystic Katye Anna and I on Friday, May 8th at 8pm. Follow the link for more information! Post any questions or comments in the comment section.